Feeling better, doing better, but most importantly being better.
I am down to the last week as a 49 year old. I have been thinking a lot about how it feels to move from the forties to the 50’s. And I have to say, I am excited! I feel better than I have in months, weeks and days, I’m mentally doing so much better and I just know that I have learned to be a better person. It feels good.
The expansion process has continued. It is an interesting stage. As I have explained, there is an expander (or two by four) in each breast now. In each expander is a magnet. The magnet helps Dr Macadam to easily know where to put the needle in when she injects the saline at our visits. The magnet however is a bit of an issue for travel. The left and the right breast have their own ID cards right now, for security purposes. The whole idea is that if you set off the security alarm at the airport you can easily show the cards and hopefully have some understanding. I didn’t quite get that reception. I was called for random screening. As the lady began to run the wand over my body is beeped over my bracelet, the button on my jeans, and my earrings, but when she ran it over my breasts it BEEPED so loudly!! She did it about four times. I tried to explain to her but she was having none of it. I went to reach in my purse to get out my Expander ID cards and she said, “No, I don’t need to see those. Just leave them there and please follow me.” She took me to the Private Screening Room. It was crazy. I was trying to tell her the situation and she just didn’t want to hear. I understand she has a job to do, but when she started patting me down, I literally had to say to her, “Can I just show you? You are hurting me. I have incisions that are still healing and it hurts when you pat them.” It felt like I really had no control over the situation. I have carried those cards with me now as I go through the security machine and so far no more random screenings. I am in Santa Rosa, California today and we fly home tomorrow so I’ll be crossing my fingers for another good travel day cause that day I had some tears.
Santa Rosa is a July destination for a few days for Paul every summer. He plays in the Snoopy World Hockey Championships here. It is always lots of fun. There is a great group of people here this year and I am actually feeling like “Shelley” again which is so fun as I have had them cheering and singing along to my playlist at the games. It has been a hoot. Paul has been great. We have settled into a schedule that usually requires a lazy morning for me, a late afternoon nap and an early to bed. I have had about two hours in the sun. Unlike usual, I am a bit gun shy of the risks of being in the sun. How does that saying go? Things come in threes…? Well two is enough so I think I’ll stay sun safe for now. Sleep and rest are still crucial for me to feel good in the inbetweens. It’s working, so I am happy to adjust to this new norm.
I had my tumor marker blood work for my GCT drawn here today. AMH and Inhibin A & B markers. The results will be sent to Dr Dy, the oncologist I saw for a second opinion in Palm Desert in March and she will notify me if there are any concerns so I don’t really have to think about it and can just hope to not hear from her at all. It is good piece of mind to know that I am staying on top of it, even if it was $711 US dollars later. (Yikes) I can’t wait until this becomes part of the screening options in Canada.
I met a friend named Michele at a workshop I attended in North Vancouver a few months ago for cancer patients/survivors. It has been so awesome to know her. She is amazing and our regular texts and notes to one another have been incredible support. There is something about having a cancer diagnosis that really makes you “sisters” at heart. She has introduced me to some great energy healing and opened my heart to a community where I hope to one day be a support. I look forward to our continued friendship and happy times at the centre together.
Last night I had a wonderful conversation with two new friends that I have met on this trip. Everyone has a story and when we share, and listen and open our hearts to one another it is so easy to feel close.
I am loving life and taking each moment as it comes. Healing is slow and it is a process but I am amazed at everything that feels like it is being healed inside me. It’s more than inside my abdomen and on my chest for sure, it’s something really special inside of me.